WAITE PETRI 08

Welcome!!!!!!!!!!

We're running for UC President and Vice President because we have no idea what the UC does.

Through our combined forty years of not being on the UC, we've developed a variety of beliefs:

• We intend to abolish the UC and replace it with a Habsburg Prince, an action which will not only be decisive but also will put it in a stronger bargaining position with University Hall.

• We will use the Student Activity Fee to buy arable land. The income from the land will be used to fund student activities indefinitely, permitting us to abolish the fee within two years.

•  Also, we oppose sustainability and favor putting eggs back in the cage, where they belong.

• Furthermore, we favor mandating that every house throw an "I Love the 30's" theme dance, with a long line for handouts and a dust bowl, which will be like a punch bowl, but more depressing.